::Crisp ::
soundcheck : Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
It was 5am today, but hey, I managed to get back to bed and what do you know. Here I am once more, making 6am a morning routine.
Two friends made me realise two very important things yesterday.
It's not about filling up the holes, and it's not about making up for all those things I could have done before. It's about being back to the drawing board and bending the mould, to see how I won't just get here the next time.
I can't get my mind off of what has happened, but I need to because that's the only way I can learn to give myself equally to everything I do. Ultimately what I want is to not just go headstrong into something and disregard everything else that's not there.
It's the silence that gets to me, mostly. I'm really thankful that you're still there to speak to.
I just really hope I'm not messing up the programme just because I tell you how I feel.
I just don't want to ever forget how I felt that day, when you let me go.
The truth is I went from one supermarket to another, just to feel disappointment seven times over. I wanted to go on but then I started thinking about why the hell I didn't just get to doing this sooner, when It would have mattered more to you.
Every time I got on a train or a bus, I would stop to think and kick myself in the ass.
I had it all planned out in my head: I would show up at your door from out of the rain and just hold that carton with my knuckles white from nervousness. I would've given anything to see our smelly friend wonder who I am, pause for a moment and then suddenly go crazy when he figured out the smell.
Reality: Without the carton though, I just felt that I had no reason to see you - so I didn't even try. I don't think you would've been happy if I did though, so it works out, I guess.
_
spoken. at 6:27 AM
soundcheck : Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
It was 5am today, but hey, I managed to get back to bed and what do you know. Here I am once more, making 6am a morning routine.
Two friends made me realise two very important things yesterday.
It's not about filling up the holes, and it's not about making up for all those things I could have done before. It's about being back to the drawing board and bending the mould, to see how I won't just get here the next time.
I can't get my mind off of what has happened, but I need to because that's the only way I can learn to give myself equally to everything I do. Ultimately what I want is to not just go headstrong into something and disregard everything else that's not there.
It's the silence that gets to me, mostly. I'm really thankful that you're still there to speak to.
I just really hope I'm not messing up the programme just because I tell you how I feel.
I just don't want to ever forget how I felt that day, when you let me go.
The truth is I went from one supermarket to another, just to feel disappointment seven times over. I wanted to go on but then I started thinking about why the hell I didn't just get to doing this sooner, when It would have mattered more to you.
Every time I got on a train or a bus, I would stop to think and kick myself in the ass.
I had it all planned out in my head: I would show up at your door from out of the rain and just hold that carton with my knuckles white from nervousness. I would've given anything to see our smelly friend wonder who I am, pause for a moment and then suddenly go crazy when he figured out the smell.
Reality: Without the carton though, I just felt that I had no reason to see you - so I didn't even try. I don't think you would've been happy if I did though, so it works out, I guess.
_
spoken. at 6:27 AM
