Tuesday, February 20, 2007

:: sheridan ::

i broke down today

because a friend made me realize what i've been denying


or rather the thing i'm doing which i didn't want to admit.




he said it seems like i was leaving my past.



The truth is that's what i've always been doing. With the various parts of how much i've lived - and i didn't like it, but i'm a coward -

i can't deal - so i hide and in hiding i slowly just fade and then i don't care



and then my mom asks hey do you remember that time with this person, and that person

and for some reason i really can't remember


then i realize 'hey, it worked. i didn't think it would, but it did. oh well.'



and my friend is just intelligent enough to realize. Or maybe because my friend is one of the only few who cares and bothers to realize.



And it touched me, it really did



but i said to him, i'm sorry - but i'm going through something right now, and i can't deal with this right now - i'm sorry.

i chased him away

because i wanted to save myself the trouble of losing another friend, or rather, losing another friend, again

And i hid myself at the bottom of a full mug of something i instinctively poured myself, and i had a very stale cigarette, too.

To accompany the two, i put a song on repeat, too - very cliche





and then i just broke down in a corner of my room and i huddled against myself because i had noone else.


Today i broke down







_
spoken. at 2:51 PM