:: 20 ::
My birthday never felt special.
I especially started feeling this way once i hit 16. I remember having the worst turnout at the worst ever celebration i've thrown for myself. I also remember unwanted people appearing at the party and ruining the entire event; ultimately leaving me almost all but alone and having noone left in that empty little two storey.
I think from then on i just started telling myself that my birthday shouldn't be anything special. I shouldn't expect anyone to turn up. I shouldn't expect anyone to buy me anything. I shouldn't expect anyone to even remember. I think i know why. I just didn't want to be disappointed, not on my birthday - and hypocritically in saying that i actually do acknowledge that deep inside, i guess i do want my birthday to be special as well.
....but we never get the things we want.
I'm feeling terribly bitter this Sunday afternoon after realizing that i've slept quite an amount of freedom away. I woke up to almost no messages and no calls and i remedied that with a cigarette.
I experienced what Mervyn did on his. Some of the people you expect to call and wish just don't appear at all, and unknown numbers and ghosts from the past just come along and shower you with quick messages.
My social life is messed up. I'll just admit it. I'm really just not a very popular person.
This could possibly be almost the worst ever birthday i've had - and looking back on the past birthdays.... it feels as if i should just as well start trying to forget my own birthday so i don't end up with disappointment wrapped in a big red heart shaped box.
Fuck Oct 30th.
_
spoken. at 3:47 PM
I especially started feeling this way once i hit 16. I remember having the worst turnout at the worst ever celebration i've thrown for myself. I also remember unwanted people appearing at the party and ruining the entire event; ultimately leaving me almost all but alone and having noone left in that empty little two storey.
I think from then on i just started telling myself that my birthday shouldn't be anything special. I shouldn't expect anyone to turn up. I shouldn't expect anyone to buy me anything. I shouldn't expect anyone to even remember. I think i know why. I just didn't want to be disappointed, not on my birthday - and hypocritically in saying that i actually do acknowledge that deep inside, i guess i do want my birthday to be special as well.
....but we never get the things we want.
I'm feeling terribly bitter this Sunday afternoon after realizing that i've slept quite an amount of freedom away. I woke up to almost no messages and no calls and i remedied that with a cigarette.
I experienced what Mervyn did on his. Some of the people you expect to call and wish just don't appear at all, and unknown numbers and ghosts from the past just come along and shower you with quick messages.
My social life is messed up. I'll just admit it. I'm really just not a very popular person.
This could possibly be almost the worst ever birthday i've had - and looking back on the past birthdays.... it feels as if i should just as well start trying to forget my own birthday so i don't end up with disappointment wrapped in a big red heart shaped box.
Fuck
_
spoken. at 3:47 PM
