:: when the loneliness inspires. ::
I just had to type something here.
It's the time where i feel the most awake. Ever tried running in the morning for at least a kilometre, every day ? Well try it out just for kicks. You'll find yourself to be amazingly awake after the run - much like i am.
Things've been bothering me pretty much. Things that i'm just either too disgusted or tired to talk about. Things like my stupid samsung repeating the stupid sms ringtone in the dead of night throughout - and though i more or less know who sent the message and of how it most probably would sound pretty nonchalant and unwilling, i pride myself in at least not bringing myself to its call and not feel like such a socially desperate loser.
Sometimes i tell myself not to stir it up because 'it's not going to do any good and it'll just bring up more complications' - but i hate the fact that i'm being put out as a second rate social preference, and also that i've been crossed out and omitted like some kind of meaningless fucking option on an optical answer sheet.
Yes i don't like the feeling at all. I don't know what's wrong with me - but if there really is something to wrong me for then maybe telling me to my face would help, if not at least more than the course of action transpiring now.
What's wrong with you then? What's wrong with the lot of you to begin with ? I really wonder what the fuck i did to you to earn myself this second rate classification. I really wonder what the hell i did to deserve this status of social leprousy.
I go away to the fucking army and it's not like i have a fucking choice. When my whole fucking life is slave to the scheduling of the SAF, how the hell else will you not expect me to come up with something army?
You put me down when what i felt was maybe my friends could hear me out - because i wanted to share my new life with them. It looks like i can't because it's wrong. Well never mind - i've already backed down. I won't talk about it, especially not after your violent objections. Watch me closely the next time - see how much i fight to stay the same, when every single part of my world's been torn apart. See how much i fight to stay relevant, and see how much of a challenge staying socially competent is, though it's not that i mind in the first place.
...and what's with you telling me about how busy you are with work when i get people telling me of how they've seen you around oh-so often. You know you don't need to fucking lie to me to tell me that you just don't want to hang out. That is seriously the stupidest thing i've seen; to provide a social barrier through feigning occupancy. If you think you owe me something, then i'll tell you to your face that you don't. Take that $140-/+ receipt and stick it somewhere pretty, because it sure as hell doesn't mean a thing to me. Honestly.
I think if you know i'm talking about you then just suck it up because i can't be bothered by any of you anymore. I really can't. The way i see it; our goodbyes have already been said.
On my part, i meant every single thing you read.
I'll stop right here - because it's funny how i realize; the futility in how... everything i've just typed out will end up to be plain meaningless.
spoken. at 7:49 AM
I just had to type something here.
It's the time where i feel the most awake. Ever tried running in the morning for at least a kilometre, every day ? Well try it out just for kicks. You'll find yourself to be amazingly awake after the run - much like i am.
Things've been bothering me pretty much. Things that i'm just either too disgusted or tired to talk about. Things like my stupid samsung repeating the stupid sms ringtone in the dead of night throughout - and though i more or less know who sent the message and of how it most probably would sound pretty nonchalant and unwilling, i pride myself in at least not bringing myself to its call and not feel like such a socially desperate loser.
Sometimes i tell myself not to stir it up because 'it's not going to do any good and it'll just bring up more complications' - but i hate the fact that i'm being put out as a second rate social preference, and also that i've been crossed out and omitted like some kind of meaningless fucking option on an optical answer sheet.
Yes i don't like the feeling at all. I don't know what's wrong with me - but if there really is something to wrong me for then maybe telling me to my face would help, if not at least more than the course of action transpiring now.
What's wrong with you then? What's wrong with the lot of you to begin with ? I really wonder what the fuck i did to you to earn myself this second rate classification. I really wonder what the hell i did to deserve this status of social leprousy.
I go away to the fucking army and it's not like i have a fucking choice. When my whole fucking life is slave to the scheduling of the SAF, how the hell else will you not expect me to come up with something army?
You put me down when what i felt was maybe my friends could hear me out - because i wanted to share my new life with them. It looks like i can't because it's wrong. Well never mind - i've already backed down. I won't talk about it, especially not after your violent objections. Watch me closely the next time - see how much i fight to stay the same, when every single part of my world's been torn apart. See how much i fight to stay relevant, and see how much of a challenge staying socially competent is, though it's not that i mind in the first place.
...and what's with you telling me about how busy you are with work when i get people telling me of how they've seen you around oh-so often. You know you don't need to fucking lie to me to tell me that you just don't want to hang out. That is seriously the stupidest thing i've seen; to provide a social barrier through feigning occupancy. If you think you owe me something, then i'll tell you to your face that you don't. Take that $140-/+ receipt and stick it somewhere pretty, because it sure as hell doesn't mean a thing to me. Honestly.
I think if you know i'm talking about you then just suck it up because i can't be bothered by any of you anymore. I really can't. The way i see it; our goodbyes have already been said.
On my part, i meant every single thing you read.
I'll stop right here - because it's funny how i realize; the futility in how... everything i've just typed out will end up to be plain meaningless.
spoken. at 7:49 AM
